Confusing What Is Real
by Kuro Angales
Summary: This is a Sano/Ken Song fic set to 'Crawling' by Linkin Park that has to deal with Kenshin's many personalities. When memories of the past start to rule his mind, what can Sano do? Gets sappy at the end...


Confusing What Is Real  
  
by Kuro Angales  
  
  
  
  
  
It was just one of those days. Yahiko was practicing with Kaoru in the dojo and Sanosuke was chopping down trees in the forest. Yep, just one of those basic days. Kenshin was outside the dojo's closed doors. The sun was shining brightly as Ayame and Suzume played in the sand. The birds chattered endlessly in the trees as Kenshin rose to his feet for the first time since finishing the morning chores. He didn't bother to explain where he was going, he needed some time alone.  
  
He walked out of the Kamiya dojo with little bounce in his step. This day was just a dream. He swore it was. Last night, the dreams returned.i Blood... flowed endlesly in the river. The moon was high above as he slayed another willing fighter down. They were young.. too young .. too eager to die. Many had seen family and friends killed ... nothing left for them here. The sound of steel connecting with bone and tearing flesh. This was the sound of his everyday ... the screams... the blood... Then his vision darkened. He was there again... with Tomoe... his wife... his loving.. beautiful wife.. She was dying again... in his bloodstained hands. He shrieked as she died again./i  
  
Crawling in my skin  
  
These wounds,  
  
They will not heal  
  
Fear is how I fall  
  
Confusing what is real  
  
"Oi! Kenshin." Sanosuke's voice brought him back to the present. The dream world that seemed all too real. Kenshin stopped a few feet from the former fighter-for-higher. He didn't realize he had gone off the path and ended up this deep in the forest. "Kenshin... daijoubu ka?"  
  
"Hai, daijoubu de gozaru yo. Sano....," he realized how serious his voice sounded and he bowed his head. The wind russled in the trees and his red hair blew lightly in the wind. Sanosuke moved closer to Kenshin and he stepped back. "Sessha.... I think its time for me to be moving on." The violet eyes were dark and serious as another bloodly memory threatened to make itself known. Kenshin's body swayed as the vision toyed with his senses.  
  
There's something  
  
Inside me that pulls  
  
Beneath the surface  
  
Consuming, confusing  
  
Sanosuke had seen Kenshin like this before. Late at night, when they shared a room at the dojo, Kenshin would shriek and his eyes would snap open. He would get up and pull Kenshin down before he ran to get his sword. Sano would put Kenshin in his lap and smooth his hair until he calmed. Sometimes, these encounters would leave bruises on his arms or legs, but it was worth it for Kenshin. "Are you so sure Kenshin. Running away isn't always the right answer," his tone was serious as he watched Kenshin's eyes shift from intense blue to violet. He would tell Kenshin was having a hard time controlling who he was inside. The hitokiri never merged with the rurouni and it was becoming critical.  
  
This lack of self control  
  
I fear is never ending  
  
Controlling  
  
I can't seem  
  
To find myself again  
  
My walls are closing in  
  
Kenshin started walking and stopped next to Sano, his eyes hidden from view, but his voice betrayed him. "I will return when the smell of blood no longer rules my soul." Kenshin knew that he had three personalities now. The rurouni, the hitokiri, and the watcher who wanted to merge the other two. The hitokiri was speaking now and the rurouni quivered in fear. He heard Sano's breath hitch as the words came from his mouth. Sano turned his head down to the hitokiri with a knowing glance and nodded. "Jo-chan will be very upset with you." Sano said with sadness, not for her, but for him. Kenshin could tell how Sano felt, after all the years of waiting, but it was too late.  
  
(Without a  
  
Sense of confidence  
  
I'm convinced that  
  
There's just too much  
  
Pressure to take)  
  
I've felt this way before  
  
So insecure  
  
It felt like losing Sagara Taichou all over again. Sanosuke felt his insides starting to shread as Kenshin began to walk again. He knew the rurouni was almost gone in the man. He was loosing one of the men he loved inside of the small man who he had come to call his best friend. Yes, he loved all sides of Himura Kenshin, the rurouni and the hitokiri alike. This man was fascinating to him and he had come to love him more everyday. Now his dreams would end, without the other knowing.  
  
Crawling in my skin  
  
These wounds,  
  
They will not heal  
  
Fear is how I fall  
  
Confusing what is real  
  
Sanosuke did something surprising and foolish: he embraced the man from behind. All of Himura Kenshin shuddered at the contact. The hitokiri thought lusty thoughts, the rurouni sighed with joy and thoughts of comfort, the watcher felt a twinge of pain because he wanted to stay separated from everyone. Then the hitokiri regained main control and threw the boy to the ground on his back, with Kenshin on top of him. "Don't tempt me boy. I could take you and rip you apart right here," he bit off each word and his breathing was like a growl.  
  
Discomfort, endlessly has  
  
Pulled itself upon me  
  
Distracting, reacting  
  
"Why haven't you?"  
  
The comment was so basic, so normal, yet mindshattering. Kenshin's eyes started to flicker, cobalt, violet, and a mixture of both, all at once. In his mind's eye, the three Kenshins stared at each other. The hitokiri, still in his blue yukata with a regular katana, stood with a piercing glare. The rurouni, in the magenta yukata with a sakabatou, stood with a kind smile and was still reveling in the feel of Sano on his back. The watcher, in a black yukata, stood without a sword and with a focused yet blank stare. These three dwelled inside of the man named Himura Kenshin. They started to circle each other and then the hitokiri drew his sword.  
  
Against my will I stand  
  
Beside my own reflection  
  
It's haunting how  
  
I can't seem  
  
To find myself again  
  
My walls are closing in  
  
The rurouni had drawn his sword to blow the blow as the started to duel. "Why do you insist on living! Give up you worthless entity!" the hitokiri screamed as it sliced into the rurouni's left leg. The rurouni pushed away and recovered quickly. "I live for all the people I have killed! I must repent!" The rurouni retailiated and sliced the hitokiri in the same leg. "They deserved to die for the new age! Give up your cause!", the hitokiri growled and missed as the rurouni hit him in the back. The rurouni could not draw blood with his sword, and that was a great handicap in this battle. They continued to fight, each hitting the same area of each other with each blow. The rurouni was loosing blood while the hitokiri just winced and smirked.  
  
(Without a  
  
Sense of confidence  
  
I'm convinced that  
  
There's just too  
  
Much pressure to take)  
  
I've felt this way before  
  
So insecure  
  
Sanosuke was watching the battle from Kenshin's eyes. He picked up the body of his beloved and laid him on his lap, as he had done in the past. Kenshin had started to shake and jump at each blow connected and small cuts formed and disappeared. iI won't loose you Kenshin. You've taught me so much.... you can't leave me here. Remember the promise we made. That you wouldn't leave without my permission. I still hold you to it... even if you broke it once. I know now what I really meant by it..... Don't die on me./i "Ai...aishiteru Kenshin....." Sano started to sob quietly as the blows became more frequent and his eyes started to turn blue- er with every attack.  
  
Crawling in my skin  
  
These wounds,  
  
They will not heal  
  
Fear is how I fall  
  
Confusing what is real  
  
The two fighters did not here Sano's words, but the watcher did. He doubled over in pain while the 'ping' of swords connecting rang through the backround. The watcher felt Sano's pain... he didn't want to cause him pain. He could not stay disconnected anymore. "YAMERO!!", he screamed and flew towards the fighters. With the force of shear will, he pushed the swords out of their hands and grabbed a hold of their yukatas. "Yamero... dame... You are so blind you can't even see why you still live. CAN YOU!?" The rurouni and the hitokiri stared in amazement as the watcher started to fade. "Karou can't even compare to that man. Her love could never be strong enough to protect the rurouni or to bare the strength and temper of the hitokiri. She cannot mend this broken soul together and that is the answer you were looking for. Because of her, I became a reality. But now... and even during the dreams.. Sano helped you both. He calmed the hitokiri and protected the fragile rurouni. Trust him. Ai shiteru.. Sagara Sanosuke," the watcher faded and his last words echoed off the walls of Kenshin's head. "Sanosuke.....", Kenshin said and rose from the man's lap, "What happened...."  
  
Sanosuke stared in disbelief and blinked some of his tears away. More started to flow down his cheeks as he glomped the samurai. "Kenshin.. Kenshin .. I thought you were going to leave me..," he sobbed quietly into Kenshin's red hair. Kenshin realized how young Sano was, for the first time in years. He reached up and removed the bandana from Sano's forehead. Sano stared at him with confusion as Kenshin played with his hair. "Kenshin?"  
  
He didn't recieve his answer for a minute or two. Kenshin kissed him soundly on the lips until they broke for air. "Arigatou Sanosuke.... arigatou...", Kenshin said softly, with wide and adoring eyes. Sano smiled warmly and watched as Kenshin slowly passed out, exhausted from his internal battle. He picked up the sleeping samurai and started to walk back to the dojo.  
  
Kaoru came running out of the dojo, crying and screaming of how afraid she was. Then she yelled at Sanosuke about 'what he did to Kenshin'. He ignored her completely and went into Kenshin's room. After setting up the futon, he lied down next to his sleeping beloved and smiled. "ai...shiteru..sano..", Kenshin muttered in his sleep. Sano gasped and snugged closer, awaiting the moment he could talk to Kenshin and find out if his suspitions were true. 


End file.
